You make me laugh, you say such sweet things, you hold me tightly. You're a breath of fresh, swirling air.
I miss having you around. Our week together was a spontaneous adventure that was unexpected and uncomplicated. Such a nice surprise. I must admit that I did put it out there (the intention to meet someone) right before we met. That night I thought to myself, I'm going to this show because I'm going to meet someone. And boom, there you were, asking me out for a three-dollar beverage. Well, I'm glad that three-dollar beverage turned into a week of living together. Having you here was delightful. You're someone that asks for what they want. Someone that just goes for it. You inspire me. Thank you for fuelling my ambition. Thank you for reminding me I'm gorgeous. Thank you for all that joy. I love my acting class family. I'm so grateful to be in a community of open, free, exploratory, creative people. We challenge each other and support each other. We share the deepest of emotions.
It's not all sunshine and rainbows. There's a lot of muck and discomfort. There's hurt and confusion, resistance and fear. I guess that's life. This community gives us a forum to explore life in all its rawness and beauty. It's a place for us to examine human behaviour, simultaneously in character and in ourselves. One week I'm a CIA agent telling someone off, the next I'm a basketball coach falling in love. Its the roles that we play in our real lives that are the most powerful. Our beautiful coach has brought us all together into one cohesive group, a group of people that spark dynamic connections with each other. Even when we've come from such different backgrounds, we're able to relate to each other in this basic human way. It gives me faith in humanity, to be honest. If our group of actors can create such profound growth and connection, what else are we capable of with each and every connection in the world? I love my agent. It warms my heart to work with someone so supportive, so motivating, and so caring.
I'm a lucky actor! Today, on the other side of the world, two lovely friends of mine got engaged. I knew the proposal was coming; I've been keeping the secret for a while. I'm so happy that it's out in the open. These lovers are perfect for each other.
The one who proposed is a good friend of mine. A warm and caring Australian man. He's a talented actor, the first person I met in my acting class four years ago. He has a heart of gold and a singing voice like an angel. His partner is a delightful soul that has changed his life dramatically. She is incredibly connected, not only to him but to the world around her. I'll never forget meeting her and learning about her plan to become the President of Mexico. Seriously. I thought to myself, wow, I need to step up my game! She has a spirit so genuine and so giving that it brings me to tears most times I talk to her. Sometimes you encounter a couple so well-suited for each other and so destined for greatness. This is one of those connections. Cheers to a love so strong, so passionate, so beautiful. Thank you for making me shake with laughter.
Thank you for showing me the bright side. Thank you for your sweetness. Thank you for being tall. Thank you for being ambitious. Thank you for our spontaneous adventure. Thank you for helping me trust in rich romance. Drink them up
Chow them down Walk them off Pass them on Hold them in Throw them out Make them scream Make them shout 'Til you're ready 'Til you're near And when you're ready I'll be here Turn them off Turn them on Give them dusk Give them dawn Wind them up Calm them down Make them smile Make them frown 'Til you're ready 'Til you're near And when you're ready I'll be here I love people. I just love them. Everyone has a different story to tell. A story with hilarity, heartbreak, and inspiration. I've met so many individuals this week and I love each one. Through all our experiences and all our differences, we're all connected. All trekking on that human journey.
One person in particular that has come into my life has taught me to embrace my spontaneity, focus on the good, laugh heartily and laugh often. You can do anything you want in this life. Go for it. Ask for it. Leap for it. Sweat for it. If you can dream it, you can be it. Love is
filling your body with the warmth of your voice the warmth of song shared with a room of other warm bodies working as one Connect to fall in love.
Connect to make art. Connect to make money. Connect to make babies. Connect to learn lessons. Connect to laugh. Connect to forgive each other. Connect to be strong. A few days ago I was thinking about loneliness. I asked some friends how they defined loneliness and the conversation led to one person sharing a section of Mary Oliver's poem, Flare. I think it's beautiful:
When loneliness comes stalking, go into the fields, consider the orderliness of the world. Notice something you have never noticed before, like the tambourine sound of the snow-cricket whose pale green body is no longer than your thumb. Stare hard at the hummingbird, in the summer rain, shaking the water-sparks from its wings. Let grief be your sister, she will whether or no. Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also, like the diligent leaves. A lifetime isn't long enough for the beauty of this world and the responsibilities of your life. Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away. Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance. In the glare of your mind, be modest. And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling. Live with the beetle, and the wind. Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart. Hard to follow those instincts. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "This feels really great and I really want to do this, but what if it all goes horribly wrong? I better not do anything."
Life's too short to second guess yourself. All that time it takes to think about the what ifs - I'd rather spend the time exploring and getting to the bottom of it. Tonight I'm glad I followed my instincts. They led me to adventure, romance, and connectedness. Connection is the opposite of loneliness. Clarity is the opposite of confusion. Faith is the opposite of fear.
Loneliness can trap us in a cycle of coldness. Confusion can make us numb. Fear can prevent us from following dreams. Be connected, clear, and faithful. You caught my eye tonight
With your gaze, with your smile You made me laugh tonight Body shaking all the while We kissed the town tonight Dancing back and forth We kissed the stars tonight Romancing in our warmth Everyone will say It's different in the day But I don't give away I don't give away You caught my eye tonight
I saw Lake Street Dive live tonight. There's no one like them. Their musings on love got my hips shaking and my heart aching for more soul in my life. I'm inspired.
Thank you to all the friends, new and old, that came to see my film for the first time today.
Thank you to the woman walking down the sidewalk that called me dashing. Thank you to the charming man who found me things to buy to help me relax. Thank you to my ex-boyfriend for speaking to me today after the nasty things I've said. Thank you to the friend that shared her feelings about something I'm very attached to. Thank you to you for reading this. I'm grateful,
Through the rain and the pain, Through the drought and the doubt, Through the cold and the stories told, I am able to love. "Everyone says that love hurts but that not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Everyone confuses these things with love. But in reality love is the only thing in the world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again."
- Anwar Saicha Seeing Hedwig and the Angry Inch on stage for the first time gave me even more love for music. Such passion and fury. You can get through anything with music. I wonder what my anger does for me. It is useful today?
You walk down the lane
Surrounded by flowers The crickets sing out For hours and hours You hold out your hand The branches are grazed I take yours in mine Constantly amazed "There is nothing in the world like being loved."
My dear friend said this tonight. She brought me a ton of food and stocked up my freezer. She always knows just what I need. I'm still recovering from the weekend's blow of digestive horror and didn't have a lot of energy for grocery shopping today. My mother came over and made me dinner and watched cheezy TV with me. And my wonderful friend (and her partner and many other lovely friends) reminded me just how supported I am. It feels good. My body became an explosive machine last night. Like a fountain. Whether I wanted it to or not. I must have thrown up eight times. It definitely encourages me to be more selective the next time I have sushi. If I ever have it again.
It wasn't the best timing to get food poisoning; I was playing two shows the next day. But really, when is it ever the best timing? Life happens the way it happens. I called my fellow musician who I was doing the first show with and gave her a status report. Things weren't looking good, but who knows, anything could happen. A few hours later, I was capable of walking around and eating some solid food. A little while later, I was able to drag myself in to our venue and get set up. The thing about music is that when it comes from the heart, it is based in true emotion and love. When you've practised it for months, it can easily flow out of you without any thought. So when it was showtime, it was the easiest thing ever. No nerves, no faintness, no mistakes. Sitting down and socializing wasn't so easy but the music was effortless. Especially when I looked out into the crowd and saw the smiling faces of so many people I love. I'm so grateful for good friends. I'm lying on my superhero friend's couch after some wretched food poisoning. Thanks for friends!
I think this video is rather brilliant. It highlights the disconnect that can happen with all of us involved in the social media craze. The thousands of connections we maintain, the carefully biased self-promotion, the editing and deleting of thought. I realize the irony of me posting about this on a blog, a video from Vimeo that a friend on Facebook shared. And I'm very involved in social media. I post, share, tweet, and slap a filter on it just like every other privileged child of the modern era. But I must admit I routinely feel that sense of being adrift in space. A space between the past and the future that never touches the present, a space between acquaintances and celebrities, a space between conversation and broadcasting. The Innovation of Loneliness from Shimi Cohen on Vimeo. |